Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
