At least make sure they are 18
Why
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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