We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
