he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
