shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
