I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
