the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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