Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
