That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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