If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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