Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize