What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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