you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
