In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
do nipples grow back?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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