I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize