Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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