ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
