I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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