it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
