So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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