She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
