First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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