I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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