Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize