did you get engaged???
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
