you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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