i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
