Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
