help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
