Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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