We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
