omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
