Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
