You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
