she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
