we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
