Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
