Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
