Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
