I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
