Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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