So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize