i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
