ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
