Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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