I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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