Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I stole a fireplace last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
