i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
be right there i have to get my cape
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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