She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
