i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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