I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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