Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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