he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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