"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
