Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize