Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
