Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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