DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
