How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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