He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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