so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
