I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
