Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Acid is not a monday night drug
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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