Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
