porn star boner night. come get it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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