I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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