and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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