it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
