she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
