Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
