I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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