I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
